When You FALL IN LOVE

When you Fall in Love
(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)

By: Bo Sanchez


This article isn't for teenagers only. :P


Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter. All of us fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.


Let's begin....... ...



MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL


Let me qualify.
This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers----- will not.


If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:
You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.


Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer Space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa Of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison. But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world" Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.' You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.


The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious. If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding. Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility. Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July."Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.


MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON


I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background. One week later, he's your boyfriend. A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him' Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!' Here are the consequences ...


You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other? You become a love-at-first- sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'. One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......' "I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh" "none. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalula lei..." "listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..." I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear." It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material. What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too much weight. Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.


MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER


No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth :


You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is Over and whether you really loved one another in the first place. Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in The cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork" How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.' Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore. "Ngggggoork." What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!' What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.


You start blaming your partner for the loss of love This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins. Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled).


Falling in love isn't love. Here's why. When you fall in love.....


a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.


b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.


c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.



On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it.

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts
By me


I want to see the beauty in everything,
I want to raw the hardness inside me.
I want to please the one I love,
as much as I want my life to last.


Sometimes I reap my valley of dreams.
I drove for miles just to reach its peak.
It’s not easy and most of the time I fall,
In every slippery edges of this rocky slopes.


Each time I fall, it made me cry,
For I know time is running so fast.
Dreams fall, my hopes die,
Flowers bloom, yet crows fly high.


Amidst the darkness and storms,
a silent me still succumbs.
Giving way for every tear drop,
and embracing the dark, in that new moon night.


I planted seeds in muddy soil,
Even in rusty cans that worms spoil.
Hoping they’ll grow and nourish my soul,
For I am dying in lonesome coils.


Then one day, God gave light.
It burned my skin even in its tiny glance.
I saw the seed sprout into life,
even in that harsh grave of mud.


Light! O light! Shine upon me!
Can’t help but to wonder… where can I be…
Then suddenly I woke up one sunny morning,
And realized, it was just a dream….

A Beautiful Analogy

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer."Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist.""How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!""No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.""Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. "What happens, is, peopledo not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

KUNG PINOY SI NOAH… Ganito ang mangyayari sa arko. Read along.

Taong 2005 at isang ordinaryong middle class pinoy si Noah. Nagpakita sa kanya ang Diyos at sinabing "Pagkatapos ng isang taon aybubuhos ang ulan at babahain ang buong kapuluan ng Pilipinas. Gusto kong gumawa ka ng isang malaking arko at isakay mo rito ang pares-pares na mga hayop at mga mag-asawang pilipino sa iba't-ibang kapuluan." Ibinigay kay Noah ang specs ng Arko at taos puso nitong tinanggap ang responsibilidad na sagipin ang sambayanang Pilipino sa napipintong pagbaha.

Lumipas ang isang taon, muling nagpakita ang Diyos kay Noah. Walang arkong nagawa si Noah at galit na galit siyang tinanong ng Diyos,"Nasaan ang arko na ipinagawa ko sa iyo?"

Tumugon si Noah, "Patawarin po ninyo ako kung di po natupad ang utos ninyo! Nagkaroon po ng malaking problema sa plano po ninyo."

At inilahad ni Noah ang mga sagabal na nakaharap niya sa pag-gawa ng arko.

Humingi siya ng Mayor's permit pero papayag lang daw si Mayor kung ang gagawa ng arko ay ang construction firm ng kanyang pamangkin.

Tumungo siya sa Congressman pero papayag lang daw si Congressman kung may matatanggap siyang 30% commission.

Nagtayo ng unyon ang mga kinuha niyang manggagawa at nag-strike.

Natunugan ng mga left-leaning groups ang kanyang balak at ang mga ito ay nag-rally dahil daw sa hindi makatarungang pagpili ng mga taong sasakay sa arko (mga taong naniniwala lang sa Diyos ang pwedeng sumakay).

Nakisali sa rally ang mga bakla at tomboy dahil bias daw na normal na mag-asawa lang ang pwedeng sumakay.

Ang civil society group ay nakisali na rin sa gulo dahil napag-alaman daw nila na ang pondong gagamitin sa paggawa ng arko ay galing sa donasyon ng mga gambling lords at katas ng weteng.

Sa kaguluhang ito ay napilitang magpatawag ng hearing ang senado "in aid of legislation". Sinubukan ni Noah na gamitin ang EO 464 para makaiwas sa hearing pero dahil hindi sya executive official, napilitan siyang tumistigo.

Nang malaman ng senado na utos ng Diyos ang pagpapagawa ng arko, dineklara nila itong unconstitutional dahil hindi raw nito iginalangang separation ng church at state.

Nakialam na rin ang NBI at PNP at sinabi nilang meron silang impormasyon na ang arko raw na ito ay gagamitin ni Erap sa kanyang pagtakas.

Sinabi naman ng ISAFP at DOJ na ito raw ay gagamitin ng grupong Magdalo sa binabalak nilang coup laban kay Arroyo.

Nilapitan ni Noah si Mike Defensor para makipag-usap kay GMA. Payag daw si GMA na ituloy ang arko kung ipapaskil daw sa arko ang malaking mukha ni Arroyo na may slogan "Towards a Strong Republic".

"Hindi po ako pumayag kaya hanggang ngayon po ay may TRO ang pag-gawang arko. Sa palagay ko po kailangan ko pa ng 10 taon para matapos ang inyong proyekto." Ang huling wika ni Noah.

Napa-iling ang Diyos at sinabing, "Di ko na kailangang wasakin pa ang bansang ito. Hayaan ko na lang kayong sumira nito!

GirlFriends

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tealeaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter howmuch you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and otherrelatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought.'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! -- a grownup, Surely myhusband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with hergirlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature worktheir changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After almost 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Times passes.Life happens.Distance separates.Men don't call when they say they will.Children grow up-and leave you.Love waxes and wanes.Hearts break.Self-absorption refuses to see the truth.Careers end.Jobs come and go.Children forget to call.Parents die.Girlfriends understand.Colleagues forget favors.

BUT, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you,girlfriends are there. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting withopen arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My mother, sister,sister-in-law, "sisters," extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we hadno idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need eachother still.

" There's no oil if olives are not squeezed, no perfumes if flowers are not crushed, no wines if grapes are not pressed. PRESSURED? GOD is just bringing out the best in us!

I never Thought

I Never Thought

by me....

At first I thought you’re just a dream,
And just an ecstasy that I always feel.
I thought you’re just a happy face,
In every lonely space of my life at rest.

I thought everything is just in its turn.
For God gave me obstacles to burn.
I thought this is a test of my strength
Or just a taste of what might come at bay.

I thought I am always solitaire,
No one to be with in this battle square.
I thought I’ll always be a dreamer,
For I knew, life for the likes of me, will never be sweeter.

But now you’re here, besides me.
You’re not anymore a fantasy, nor a dream.
I’m not anymore in a stage without audience,
And once more, birds broke the deafening silence.

I never thought you’ll cross my line,
I also never thought that I’ll be loved that fine.
You are a blessing from God above,
Enlightening my life with your undying love….

And it is…

Like a fruit that nourishes me…

Like every flower in every stream…

You made my life so complete.. unexpectedly…

I really never thought….very long ago…

I never thought, before you came along…

To Realize

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a
mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Time waits For no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

Kung Tinatamad

1. Huwag aabsent.

2. Huwag male-late.

3. Pagkaupo mo sa iyong lamesa, buksan isa-isa angdrawer at magkalkal. Kunwari ay may hinahanap.

4. Pagkatapos mong magkalkal, tumayo ka at tunguhinang mga filing cabinet. Maghanap ka ng ipis. Kungwala kang mahanap, tingnan mo ang iyong incoming &outgoing tray. Kalkalin at maghanap ng mga natira saiyong mga kinutkot kahapon. Huwag kakainin muli.Labag sa kagandahang asal. Kung naglalaway ka sa mgaiyon ay kunin mo ang nagamit mong tissue paper na nailagay mo sa iyong front drawer at ipunas sa lawaymo. Pagkatapos ay ilagay muli sa drawer. Maaari mopang magamit iyon bukas. Malaking katipiran sa iyo.

5. Kung biglang dumating ang iyong boss, hawakankaagad ang telepono at magsalita. Kunwari aytinatanong ka ng iyong kausap tungkol sa mga dokumento. Sumagot ka ng "Oh! I am sorry but I willbring that to your office immediately." Kumuha kaagadng kahit anong folder at magpaalam ng maayos atbuong giliw sa iyong boss. Lumabas ng nagmamadali.

6. Pumunta ka sa CR. Magsuklay. Tingnan mabuti angsarili. Mag-retouch kung babae. Tingnan kungbaligtad ang underwear na naisuot at kung lalaki, maghilamos at basain ng konti ang buhok. Magtiris ngmga taghiyawat. Magtagal ng mga limang minuto.

7. Pagkabalik mo sa iyong opisina, buksan angcomputer. Hintaying matapos ang Auto Scan. Maramiring minuto ang magugugol dito. Magbukas ng isangfile... Isa pa... at isa pa uli...!!! Pumunta saccmail, tingnan ang inbox kung may hindi panababasa. Magbasa. Kunwari ay bagong pasok ka lamangsa Grade One.

8. Pagkatapos ay kunin ang mga dapat gawing report.Titigang mabuti. Pag-aralan ang klase ng papel naginamit. Bilangin kung ilang words ang nagamit.

9. Kung may tumawag sa telepono, kaagad sagutin. Huwagmong hayaang ibaba kaagad ng kausap. Kumustahin.Tanungin tungkol sa mga National Issues katulad ngtungkol sa mga jokes kay Erap o ng pagtaas ng langis. Kumustahin din ang latest style ng kanyang damit patina kung saan nagpapa-manicure at pedicure. Huwaglalagpas ng isang oras ang pakikipag-usap. Magagalitang iyong boss.

10. Kung may report na tatapusin, tapusin ng eksakto sa uwian.

The Wit and Class of a Filipino

A Filipino walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Filipino hands over the keys of a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Filipino produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Pinoy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Pinoy returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Pinoy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Bingo Tongco

KFC Business Development Analyst

Through the Years -- -- A Very Touching Story

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry, as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. I took his vital signs, and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before anyone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided that, since I was not busy with another patient, I would take the time to evaluate his wound. Seeing that the thumb was well healed; I talked to one of the doctors, and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in a conversation.

I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me "no," that he needed to go to the nursing home, to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while, and that she was a victim of "Alzheimer's Disease."

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he were a little bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, and had not known, for over five years, now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "and, you still go every morning, even though she no longer knows who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand, and said, "she doesn't know me, but I still know who she is!"

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arms, and thought, "that is the kind of love I want in MY life!"

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Oh, and, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; but, they make the best of everything that comes along their way.

Sorrow looks back.

Worry looks around.

Faith looks forward.

Roses For Rose - A Valentine Story

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.

And every year her husband had sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.

Each year he'd sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day."
"My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, "He'd ordered roses in advance before this day."
Her husband could not have known, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early; way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
And then she sat for hours, in her husband's favorite chair;
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know."
"The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance."
"Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."

"There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card ... he did this years ago."

"Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card ... that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote ...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."

"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife."

"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."

"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."

"Please ... try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock."

"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."