Yaya jokes!!!!!

Yaya jokes are so fun to read... I got a few "yaya jokes" from a forum that i use to visit... Some are fictional and others are real conversations... hahahah..... Enjoy and have a good laugh!!!!

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1. Frederique – We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom. Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen? “Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na tuy!”

2. Ivan – Kid: “Yaya look, boats!” Yaya: “Dows are not boats, they’re yachts.” Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?” Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”

3. Sam – Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office. Doc: “Bottlefed?” Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly) Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.” Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”

4. William & Luli – The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten. She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor: “Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”

5. No name – My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star. Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”

6. Cutie Girl – Yaya: “Huhuhu…” Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?” Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.” Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?” Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…” Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”

7. Curt Smith – (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!” (Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?” Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”

8. Fuzzy Secretary – Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform. I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?” She answered: “Secret!”

9. Dew Berry – After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out: “Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”

10. Ungazz – Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!” Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”

11. No name – Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!” Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?” Mom: “It’s up to you.” (During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?” Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko, sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”

12. Aries – Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”

13. Abelski – Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”

14. Ken - SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!” INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?” SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!” INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”

15. SC – I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located. She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”

16. No name – Ate: “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!” Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”

17. Geyp – We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle. Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?” Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”

18. S44 – Neighbor’s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs: “Down to earth! Down to earth!”

19. Chester – My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio. Before my mom left the house, our yaya said, “Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”

20. Astroboy – We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son. So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered: “Parang Watson’s yata…”

21. No name – Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?” Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!” Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?” Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”

22. Ivan – Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?” Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”

23. Jun13 – (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) Kuya: “Yaya…” Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!” Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!” Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”

24. Mr. Perk – Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?” Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”

25. Yñaki – Midget Yaya who was newly hired: “Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo. At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”

26. Sawyer – Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?” Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”

27. Geyp – (after being scolded for breaking her promises): “Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”

28. Jose de vengenge – Yaya buys food at McDo. Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?” Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”

29. Ivan – AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?” MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.” AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?” MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”

30. Ehem - Yaya picking up the phone saying: “Hilo?” We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad. We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!” Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”

You're There, I'm Here

You’re There, I’m Here..
By me

You’re there, I’m here,
You seem so distant, yet so near..
Love quotes you echoed,
Yet I can’t hear.
You bought blossoming flowers,
Though fragrance is weak.

You said you love me,
And I replied with glee.
Took me to the rainbow,
But colors are incomplete.
Saw the world and the sky,
But feelings, far from complete.

Love me as if there’s no tomorrow.
Like dying partners, in sunsets suffice.
Love me like I’m a gem of great importance.
Like a diamond that shines in glimmering nights.

You’re there, I’m here,
By where’s your loving arms?
I’m lonely, and where are your charms?
Stay with me, though there are tomorrows…
Work but think of me, let me feel you once more.

I’m lonely, I need you with me….
You’re there, I’m here..
Yet, the difference is being felt from within……

When You FALL IN LOVE

When you Fall in Love
(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)

By: Bo Sanchez


This article isn't for teenagers only. :P


Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter. All of us fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.


Let's begin....... ...



MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL


Let me qualify.
This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers----- will not.


If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:
You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.


Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer Space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa Of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison. But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world" Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.' You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.


The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious. If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding. Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility. Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July."Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.


MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON


I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background. One week later, he's your boyfriend. A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him' Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!' Here are the consequences ...


You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other? You become a love-at-first- sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'. One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......' "I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh" "none. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalula lei..." "listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..." I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear." It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material. What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too much weight. Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.


MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER


No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth :


You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is Over and whether you really loved one another in the first place. Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in The cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork" How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.' Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore. "Ngggggoork." What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!' What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.


You start blaming your partner for the loss of love This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins. Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled).


Falling in love isn't love. Here's why. When you fall in love.....


a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.


b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.


c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.



On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it.

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts
By me


I want to see the beauty in everything,
I want to raw the hardness inside me.
I want to please the one I love,
as much as I want my life to last.


Sometimes I reap my valley of dreams.
I drove for miles just to reach its peak.
It’s not easy and most of the time I fall,
In every slippery edges of this rocky slopes.


Each time I fall, it made me cry,
For I know time is running so fast.
Dreams fall, my hopes die,
Flowers bloom, yet crows fly high.


Amidst the darkness and storms,
a silent me still succumbs.
Giving way for every tear drop,
and embracing the dark, in that new moon night.


I planted seeds in muddy soil,
Even in rusty cans that worms spoil.
Hoping they’ll grow and nourish my soul,
For I am dying in lonesome coils.


Then one day, God gave light.
It burned my skin even in its tiny glance.
I saw the seed sprout into life,
even in that harsh grave of mud.


Light! O light! Shine upon me!
Can’t help but to wonder… where can I be…
Then suddenly I woke up one sunny morning,
And realized, it was just a dream….

A Beautiful Analogy

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer."Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist.""How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!""No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.""Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. "What happens, is, peopledo not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

KUNG PINOY SI NOAH… Ganito ang mangyayari sa arko. Read along.

Taong 2005 at isang ordinaryong middle class pinoy si Noah. Nagpakita sa kanya ang Diyos at sinabing "Pagkatapos ng isang taon aybubuhos ang ulan at babahain ang buong kapuluan ng Pilipinas. Gusto kong gumawa ka ng isang malaking arko at isakay mo rito ang pares-pares na mga hayop at mga mag-asawang pilipino sa iba't-ibang kapuluan." Ibinigay kay Noah ang specs ng Arko at taos puso nitong tinanggap ang responsibilidad na sagipin ang sambayanang Pilipino sa napipintong pagbaha.

Lumipas ang isang taon, muling nagpakita ang Diyos kay Noah. Walang arkong nagawa si Noah at galit na galit siyang tinanong ng Diyos,"Nasaan ang arko na ipinagawa ko sa iyo?"

Tumugon si Noah, "Patawarin po ninyo ako kung di po natupad ang utos ninyo! Nagkaroon po ng malaking problema sa plano po ninyo."

At inilahad ni Noah ang mga sagabal na nakaharap niya sa pag-gawa ng arko.

Humingi siya ng Mayor's permit pero papayag lang daw si Mayor kung ang gagawa ng arko ay ang construction firm ng kanyang pamangkin.

Tumungo siya sa Congressman pero papayag lang daw si Congressman kung may matatanggap siyang 30% commission.

Nagtayo ng unyon ang mga kinuha niyang manggagawa at nag-strike.

Natunugan ng mga left-leaning groups ang kanyang balak at ang mga ito ay nag-rally dahil daw sa hindi makatarungang pagpili ng mga taong sasakay sa arko (mga taong naniniwala lang sa Diyos ang pwedeng sumakay).

Nakisali sa rally ang mga bakla at tomboy dahil bias daw na normal na mag-asawa lang ang pwedeng sumakay.

Ang civil society group ay nakisali na rin sa gulo dahil napag-alaman daw nila na ang pondong gagamitin sa paggawa ng arko ay galing sa donasyon ng mga gambling lords at katas ng weteng.

Sa kaguluhang ito ay napilitang magpatawag ng hearing ang senado "in aid of legislation". Sinubukan ni Noah na gamitin ang EO 464 para makaiwas sa hearing pero dahil hindi sya executive official, napilitan siyang tumistigo.

Nang malaman ng senado na utos ng Diyos ang pagpapagawa ng arko, dineklara nila itong unconstitutional dahil hindi raw nito iginalangang separation ng church at state.

Nakialam na rin ang NBI at PNP at sinabi nilang meron silang impormasyon na ang arko raw na ito ay gagamitin ni Erap sa kanyang pagtakas.

Sinabi naman ng ISAFP at DOJ na ito raw ay gagamitin ng grupong Magdalo sa binabalak nilang coup laban kay Arroyo.

Nilapitan ni Noah si Mike Defensor para makipag-usap kay GMA. Payag daw si GMA na ituloy ang arko kung ipapaskil daw sa arko ang malaking mukha ni Arroyo na may slogan "Towards a Strong Republic".

"Hindi po ako pumayag kaya hanggang ngayon po ay may TRO ang pag-gawang arko. Sa palagay ko po kailangan ko pa ng 10 taon para matapos ang inyong proyekto." Ang huling wika ni Noah.

Napa-iling ang Diyos at sinabing, "Di ko na kailangang wasakin pa ang bansang ito. Hayaan ko na lang kayong sumira nito!

GirlFriends

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tealeaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter howmuch you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and otherrelatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought.'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! -- a grownup, Surely myhusband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with hergirlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature worktheir changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After almost 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Times passes.Life happens.Distance separates.Men don't call when they say they will.Children grow up-and leave you.Love waxes and wanes.Hearts break.Self-absorption refuses to see the truth.Careers end.Jobs come and go.Children forget to call.Parents die.Girlfriends understand.Colleagues forget favors.

BUT, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you,girlfriends are there. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting withopen arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My mother, sister,sister-in-law, "sisters," extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we hadno idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need eachother still.

" There's no oil if olives are not squeezed, no perfumes if flowers are not crushed, no wines if grapes are not pressed. PRESSURED? GOD is just bringing out the best in us!

I never Thought

I Never Thought

by me....

At first I thought you’re just a dream,
And just an ecstasy that I always feel.
I thought you’re just a happy face,
In every lonely space of my life at rest.

I thought everything is just in its turn.
For God gave me obstacles to burn.
I thought this is a test of my strength
Or just a taste of what might come at bay.

I thought I am always solitaire,
No one to be with in this battle square.
I thought I’ll always be a dreamer,
For I knew, life for the likes of me, will never be sweeter.

But now you’re here, besides me.
You’re not anymore a fantasy, nor a dream.
I’m not anymore in a stage without audience,
And once more, birds broke the deafening silence.

I never thought you’ll cross my line,
I also never thought that I’ll be loved that fine.
You are a blessing from God above,
Enlightening my life with your undying love….

And it is…

Like a fruit that nourishes me…

Like every flower in every stream…

You made my life so complete.. unexpectedly…

I really never thought….very long ago…

I never thought, before you came along…